The Existential Crisis

                               

The one thing about Bhopal's rain is that it comes all of a sudden out of nowhere and lasts for minutes, unlike in Kerala where it rains and never stops normally. It was such a rainy day today. Me and Sabir were talking about one of his cases over an Iced tea.. He is such a cool guy, always talks about travelling, which I admire a lot. So, after the daily chit-chatting, I walked to my room. My father called and there was an, other fight scene today too, of course. For the past 5 years, the biggest issue was this constant fight between me and my parents, especially, my father. On one side, we are struggling to figure out some meaning in life and, on the other side, the unwritten rules by society that was killing me. Especially for a person coming from a village in Malappuram, such rules are even more pressurizing. Being there at 25 itself was a punishment. And after an age, dreams or passion don't make any sense to anyone.

 

The most painful thing about all of this is the constant fights that have been happening with the one person I love the most in this entire world. My father! And for the last couple of years we haven't talked, we fought! We both try, but our talks always end up in a fight and eventual tension of silence between us. The one thing about me, the worst of the traits I have is that, all my emotions, like anxiety, tension or sadness, come out as anger, temper tantrum, like my father. And I am pretty sure anyone who knows me very well would say the same: I understand the receiving end because I see that from my father. Still, I am not able to control it.

 

I am almost the female version of my father in every way. The love behind his anger, sympathy, sentiment,  empathy, kindness, unrealistic dreams and the way he walks, thinks, talks, it's all me. He is my mirror image. He is the 6-foot giant version of me. How much does it hurt when you have to raise your voice against such a person and no matter how many fights happen every day, how can you sleep without hearing from that person?

 

But then, however you may love a person, how can someone live against their own intuitions or beliefs? But one thing is sure; being you is not an easy task folks!

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